any plans for this weekend? it might be nice to unwind...

you may not have been aware, but the past couple of weeks i have been depressed. i feel an immense amount of pressure on me and i haven't quite been myself lately. i'm starting to feel a bit better though and i hope that i will soon be restored to my old self. here's the week that was...the worst week i've had in quite a while...
the week is over...and today i felt better. i actually ended up leaving early yesterday [around lunchtime] because i was really having a miserable day. my teachers were super nice about it...and having an emotional breakdown during 2nd period certainly would not look good to the CCR people...who were merciless i guess. our school tried to prepare us for what they would ask...and turns out they asked stuff that we didn't know they were going to ask. it was good i wasn't there...because with the day i was having and them watching my 6th period and all...good grief, that would have been crazy.

anyways, the reason i felt so cruddy yesterday was because the whittier district interviewed a bunch of people from class for science positions...they were at the job fair. and it looks like they called in just about everyone except for me...with the others they interviewed, 4 people got jobs...erika[?], brenda, sarah and nayif...i know i am a good teacher, but they didn't think i was even good enough to call for an interview. i got a letter saying thank you for my interest and they encouraged me to send in my application...anyways, after i found that out in class wednesday, i just felt like the biggest LOSER ever. i started crying in class the next day during 2nd because i looked absolutely sad and depressed...when my teacher kept pressing me as to what was wrong, my tears flowed and it was pretty obvious that i needed time off. this is seriously the first day i have ever felt like not coming to school and not wanting to teach...that feeling never happens, but it did thursday.

my teachers are the best...i can never thank them enough. so...after i had a good cry and all, i felt better. i baked cookies and returned to school today with a smile...a lot of students and staff were concerned for me...such a nice atmosphere...it really is like a family at school. it makes me even more sad that i will be leaving...

i don't want people to give me advice...i don't want to hear the rationality of others...it may be a silly thing to cry over, but it's mine to cry over...so just let me be sad over it. i'm gradually getting over it and nothing anyone else says really impacts how i feel...only what i do does. things will be fine...i actually didn't want to work in whittier...and i believe that it wasn't right for me.. this all happened for a reason and i know that it will make sense to me later on...but until then, that's all i have to say about that.